Monica Helvie, Licensed Therapist and Coach

[00:00:00] Sanjay Parekh: Welcome to the Side Hustle to Small Business podcast powered by Hiscox. I'm your host, Sanjay Parikh. Throughout my career, I've had side hustles, some of which have turned into real businesses. But first and foremost, I'm a serial technology entrepreneur. In the creator space, we hear plenty of advice on how to hustle harder and why you can slink when you're dead.

On this show, we ask new questions in hopes of getting new answers. Questions like, how can small businesses work smarter? How do you achieve balance between work and family? How can we redefine success in our businesses so that we don't burn out after year three? Every week, I sit down with business founders at various stages of their side hustle to small business journey.

These entrepreneurs are pushing the envelope while keeping their values. Keep listening for conversation, context, and camaraderie. 

Today's guest is Monica Helvie, a licensed therapist and trauma specialist based in Rockwell, Texas. In 2018, Monica opened her own practice specializing in helping folks with burnout. Monica, welcome to the show. 

[00:01:09] Monica Helvie: Thank you so much for having me. This is going to be so fun. 

[00:01:12] Sanjay Parekh: Yeah. Burnout is a great topic to talk about, especially when we're talking on a podcast where we're just a bunch of entrepreneurs and founders. But before we get into that, give us a little bit about your background and what got you to where you are today. 

[00:01:27] Monica Helvie: Well, I am a licensed marriage family therapist. I started my career as a community mental health therapist, so I was in Southern California area working at agencies, the highest acuity clients that you can see with the lowest amount of experience.

And naturally, that was very overwhelming and dysregulating to my nervous system. So, I began to explore what are some other ways that I could utilize my degree and still do the work that I love doing without the burnout, without the stress, right? 

So, I began looking into, could I work at Starbucks? Could I work at like a marketing firm? Like I began to explore any and everything. And I ultimately decided that I thought that I could be my own boss. Like I thought that I could see clients on the side, the clients that I felt the most competent to serve, and do some really meaningful deep work with them, but on my own terms, like the schedule that worked with me, like the timing, the amount of clients, all of that.

And so that's sort of what got me into all of the business, the entrepreneur side of things. And I really kind of stumbled into it. I did not start out going to get my degree believing that I was going to be a private practice owner. I just wanted to see people and help them get better. 

[00:03:02] Sanjay Parekh: So this is, I take it then, first time doing anything entrepreneurial or did you do something when you were a kid?

[00:03:08] Monica Helvie: Aside from like a lemonade stand no, nothing. This was definitely the first time. 

[00:03:15] Sanjay Parekh: Don't knock the lemonade stand. That is a lot of people's first entrepreneurial experience. So, there's a lot to be learned, right? I've had people come on the podcast and talk about how they had colleagues working in the lemonade stand that stole the money and like drank all the product.

You know, that's one thing you learn early on. You can't be sampling your own product, you know, that's for sale. You can't drink all your profits. That's a bad sign. So, any other entrepreneurs in the family or are you the first? 

[00:03:48] Monica Helvie: I'm the first, and I, so I didn't really have anyone to look to for an example about what it's supposed to look like.

So, I just started looking towards my colleagues, and really there weren't that many colleagues that I knew that were even going the route that I was going. A number of them were staying in community mental health settings. It was comfortable, it was tolerable, right? Like you have steady stream of clients, you had the retirement and the vacation and all the things, so that it was comfortable.

But for myself with three small children, I just kept looking at like the time. Like I don't have any time with them. Like I was just racing to pick them up from daycare and racing to drop them off in the mornings. And it just was not sustainable for me. So, I had to start really expanding my awareness of what even was out there, what even was possible. 

[00:04:44] Sanjay Parekh: Yeah, let me ask you one clarifying question. You said community. You said this a couple time — community mental health. And to me the image that's coming up when you say that is you get everybody together and be like, y'all are just doing everything wrong all at once, but that's clearly not what you mean. 

What does that mean, community mental health? 

[00:05:01] Monica Helvie: Community mental health agencies are oftentimes state-funded or government-funded agencies or nonprofits that provide services for either reduced fees or no fees to, you know, the majority of people in the community. 

So, you could be running programs on drug and alcohol, anger management. You could be doing parenting courses. You could be driving and meeting people in their homes or providing services on the street. It’s very open, the range of what the experiences could be for community mental health workers. But yeah, that was my experience. 

[00:05:41] Sanjay Parekh: Okay. So, when you decided then to take the jump and be like, okay I'm out on this thing, I'm going to start my own thing. How did you start it up? How did you figure out how to, how you were going to get clients? Like, how did you get your first clients? 

[00:05:54] Monica Helvie: So, I was a therapist, am a therapist, and as a therapist, I didn't receive any training on marketing or, I mean, they never even talked to us in grad school at all about the option of a private practice.

It's exclusively community, mental health community, state agencies, community mental health. And so, basic business principles, like how to do taxes. None of that. Accounting, none of that was ever something we had exposure to. 

[00:06:25] Sanjay Parekh: There's like thousands of people listening right now all going, yes. They're all nodding their head yes. I didn’t have that either, same. 

[00:06:32] Monica Helvie: Yeah, okay, so I'm not alone. Okay, so for me like starting the first few months of my private practice it was like drinking the information from a fire hydrant. It was just so much so fast that I was inundating myself with podcasts and books and calling people who had private practices and just asking them, do you have time to chat with me about what you're doing?

Just trying to get as much information as possible. And even paying for consultations about like how to set this thing up. I didn't even know any coaches, like where to go for like actual coaches, teaching people how to start their private practices at that time. It was end of 2018, at that time.

So, I very much felt like I was slapping the wings on as I was like trying to take off the runway, like it was just insane. So initially it was really just built from a lot of fear. And scarcity. And I mean finding my first clients, it was like, I picked the low hanging fruit, right?

It was like, I know insurances need people to see their clients. So how do I get on insurance panels? Like, how do I make that a thing? And then it was like, which insurance panels are easy to work with? So, it was just kind of, that didn't require me to have any marketing. Or a website or anything.

So, it was sort of what I call like the low hanging fruit, like, okay, well, they'll do it all for me and I'll just like, they'll just put the spoon in my mouth.

[00:08:07] Sanjay Parekh: What's crazy is, you know, I reflect back on when I was going through college and then, you know, graduating. And everything just funneled me into like, okay, here's your career fair and go get a job and everything. And some of that has gotten better. Now that entrepreneurship is like a thing that people and some colleges talk about.

But clearly, I think what you're saying is that I don't know that we do a good job of educating everybody on business expertise and marketing at least a little bit. So that you understand in case you want to go down that path in the future so on that note, was there something that made you nervous when you decided to do this? And how did you overcome that nervousness for yourself? 

[00:08:50] Monica Helvie: Everything made me nervous. How am I going to pay the bills? 

[00:08:55] Sanjay Parekh: Maybe I should ask the opposite. What didn't make you nervous? And how did you deal with all the other things then? 

[00:09:00] Monica Helvie: Right. Well, so I mean, truly there were so many fears that I had starting this thing.

And I feel like that's a really important thing to stress because oftentimes, we can compare each other. We can compare ourselves to other people's journeys and say, well, they must've just been more courageous or like been less scared about it. And it's like, no, honey, I was just as scared, if not more, right?

Like my income accounted for half of what we needed to pay our bills. So, me leaving my safe and steady, comfortable job in community mental health meant that I was really going to have to step up, like I was going to have to figure this out. And so, it was very scary. And there were a lot of things that made me really nervous.

I didn't know how to find clients. I didn't know how to build a website. I didn't know how to set my rates. I was even like, I can remember the early sessions, like, I have to collect a payment. And I hadn't done that, ever. Right? And so it's like, at what point do I say, can I have your card? Like, just like the basics of business that would just so unfamiliar to me just because I had no exposure to any of it.

So, there was so much of that fear and nervousness, just getting started. And I think like the main thing that I continue to tell people when they ask me like, oh, okay, I'm getting ready to start my private practice. What do I need to know? ‘Cause I'm like, you just have to keep making consistent steps towards the thing you want.

You just have to keep doing it. And at some point, it scares you a little bit less. It’s like with the marketing thing, like even just coming on podcasts, I would have never like, if somebody told me, okay, you're starting a private practice, you're going to have to like, put yourself out there and be seen on social media or like do podcasts or whatever. I would have been like, no, thank you. I'll just stay like this, it's fine. 

[00:11:05] Sanjay Parekh: You know, yeah, to me, I think, you know, a lot of people like you say, talk about entrepreneurs as courageous and whatnot. I think sometimes, at least for me this is true, it was being dumber than most people and not really realizing the full scope of things.

[00:11:22] Monica Helvie: Yeah, a little bit of delusion. 

[00:11:25] Sanjay Parekh: Yeah, exactly. I mean, how hard could it be, right? Like other people do it. Like "Oh no, it's actually pretty hard." Yeah. It's difficult and it takes quite a bit. So I think that's actually one of our superpowers as entrepreneurs is being dumb and not knowing what we're really getting into or deluding ourselves into what we're getting into.

[00:11:44] Adam Walker: Support for this podcast comes from Hiscox, committed to helping small businesses protect their dreams since 1901. Quotes and information on customized insurance for specific risks are available at Hiscox.com. Hiscox, the business insurance experts.

[00:12:05] Sanjay Parekh: So, talking about deluding ourselves, there's another side to all of this, which is the stress of all of it. And so how do you think about stress for yourself and how do you deal with that in terms of business and life and family, and all of those things. How do you manage it for yourself? 

[00:12:24] Monica Helvie: So, about a couple years into my private practice. I had to basically strip it down. I had to reconstruct and realign my business because the initial ways that I had built it on fear and scarcity was just not going to be sustainable. So, one of the ways that I manage the stress more effectively today is by having some realignment with my core values.

So, when I'm doing the things I love doing and I'm in alignment with like what my purpose is and I feel good and I feel right, like it's a full body ‘yes’ for me, that makes it feel less stressful. Right? And then I can metabolize, the everyday incidental stresses that come with the business a lot easier.

So just being in alignment with like the people I want to serve, working the time of day I need to be working, right? Not working outside of those hours, right? So, I have balance with my family and my relationships. All of that is what helps me to have the margin to successfully manage the stress. And I will say this time and time again, is that burnout by definition is stress unsuccessfully managed.

So, one of the other ways that I support myself with the stress is by regulating my nervous system consistently and daily. And that could be simple things like just making sure I have like a nutritious meal before I get started, drinking my water throughout the day. But it could also be things like taking a walk in between clients or making sure that I wrap up, you know, with enough time to buffer before my kids come barreling through the door after school, right?

Like just giving myself some margin. Those are some easy, simple, practical things that I do to help me regulate my nervous system. 

[00:14:17] Sanjay Parekh: Yeah. Yeah. I like that. What about setting boundaries for you? Like, you know, obviously working out of the house, you know, you got kids, they come bounding in the door.

They have no schedule, you know, they don't pay attention to what your schedule is. It's their schedule. So how do you set boundaries for yourself in terms of the business and everything else? And thinking about also like weekend time and family time. Like how do you do that for yourself?

[00:14:47] Monica Helvie: So very practically, I once had a coach that taught me about color coding my calendar and making sure that I have a color for myself. So, whatever my preferred activities are, whether it's, you know, things that I need to do that nurture me that are important, resourcing for me. Make sure that I put it actually on the calendar so I can visually see the color difference and I can see myself on my calendar.

And if I don't see enough of my color on my calendar, then I know I need to do something about that. Which I thought that was beautiful. And again, for people who are very visual, it’s so helpful. But so that's very practically one of the things that I do for boundaries, but I also really make sure that I allow my boundaries to be flexible and movable.

And they get to adjust according to the season I'm in with my family and what our needs are. So, there may be some seasons where I have more room to give to my work. And then I allow that boundary to be a little bit flexible in that way, right? Where I can start earlier because, you know, it's summertime and my kids are sleeping in, right?

Or during the winter when they're in school, then I start my day later and allow my boundaries to be a little bit flexible to continue to be in alignment with what I need for myself and for my family. 

[00:16:11] Sanjay Parekh: Yeah. How did you realize that was a good situation for yourself? Like, how did you figure out the flexible boundary?

[00:16:18] Monica Helvie: Trial and error. Just really recognizing that for me, like rigid boundaries, like we start work at this time, we always take a walk at this time, like that created a lot of expectation and pressure on myself. And, you know, as a business owner, your needs are different. There are some days where you have not a lot scheduled.

And then there's some days where it's back-to-back-to-back. And so, I would as, you know, a recovering perfectionist, when I wouldn't meet those expectations I had for myself, I was beating myself up about it. And I was like, this isn't really working. This is actually a boundary that's no longer supporting me and I'm forcing it to be in play. But it's not even helping me anymore. So it's time to let it go, right? 

[00:17:03] Sanjay Parekh: Yeah. Yeah. So, one of the areas you work in is specifically in burnout, and that I think it’s a common issue for us as founders because especially in the early days when you're starting something new, you've got to give it a lot of time, like an inordinate amount of time.

This is not a 40 hour a week job deal, right? It's 80, a hundred or more potentially, right? It can be a lot of hours to get this thing going that you're so passionate about. How do you think about burnout? How did you think about it for yourself in terms of starting all this up? And how do you think about it with other people that you're of talking to and coaching through all this?

[00:17:43] Monica Helvie: Yeah, the research has shown that the number of hours you're working does affect your burnout, but it's not as directly as we think. We sometimes think if I work less hours, then I'm going to have less burnout. And that's just not true. So, it's about your ability to regulate and metabolize the stress that you do have.

But if you're working like a 50-hour, 60-hour work week, but you have really good practices in place to regulate yourself and take care of yourself. And when you're off, you're present and engaged and connected to your relationships that are outside of your work, then you're going to have a sense of some equilibrium there.

And I use that word equilibrium instead of work life balance, because sometimes when we think about balance, we think it has to be like equal on both sides, right? Work is 50 pounds and, you know, relationships in life is another 50 pounds, so they're balanced on both sides. But I really try to help my clients understand that it's about equilibrium.

It's like if you're on a balance board and you're going to feel the movement, the shifting between your feet, right? You're going to feel that it's a constant recalibration that you're having to do to sense into that equilibrium. And that's what it needs to be as an entrepreneur. There's constant movement and adjustments being made so that you can really sense into what is your equilibrium in this particular present moment in your journey.

[00:19:13] Sanjay Parekh: Yeah, exactly. For a lot of us founders, it's not really work, right? It's fun. And so there's not really stress that comes with it necessarily. Yes, it might be a lot of hours but if you're enjoying what you do, you just keep going, right? 

Okay, so you've had the luxury of a little bit of time in doing these businesses, living through a pandemic as well and kind of working through all this community mental health stuff. If you could go back in time and do something differently, what is that and why?

[00:19:54] Monica Helvie: I would learn how to regulate my nervous system a lot earlier, because that was another thing they never taught or trained us on in grad school. Which again, as a therapist today, I'm like, how did they not teach us this? It's everything. But your nervous system is responsible for keeping you safe and alive.

Your nervous system is also responsible for how you relate to your experiences, your relationships, your work. So, if your nervous system is dysregulated, the way that you're relating to your work is automatically going to be dysregulated. I didn't know any of that. I just felt like I should be able to do this because I'm a therapist and my coping skills and I got things, right?

But it wasn't even about what I knew how to do. It was about, I didn't have the tools to adjust and release the stress from my body. And so, learning those principles from a very early place, I feel like now when I have these things, my limits that I'm butting up against, my feeling uncomfortable.

And I'm like, I've got to do something that scares me, right? Like when I have that sense as an entrepreneur, then I can manage that differently and still take action towards it, versus so many of the people that I work with, they might have these massive action steps that they take, but then they shut down or they freeze.

And then they lie in bed for a week, right? They're just like, oh, that was a lot. Right? And so, it keeps you consistently moving towards your goals and your definition of success when you know how to regulate your nervous system. So, I would have wanted to know how to do that a lot sooner. 

[00:21:40] Sanjay Parekh: Yeah. It's funny, you reminded me of the phrase, "Physician, heal thyself." And talking about how physicians should also, you know, treat themselves. But it should be therapists too, right? Like, why would they not teach you that? And it should be all of us, right? And I think we have just uncovered the fact that the education system doesn't necessarily teach us all the things that we really need to know. As adults, as humans.

[00:22:12] Monica Helvie: But certainly not as business people either. 

[00:22:14] Sanjay Parekh: Definitely not as business people but I guess it gives us some kind of footing to make sure that we know how to learn, and we can continue learning as we move forward.

Okay, last question for you If you were talking to somebody that is like you, that's thinking about launching a side hustle or turning their side hustle into a full-time business, what kind of advice would you give them before they take the leap? 

[00:22:38] Monica Helvie: I would say, get yourself into a high-level community because it is really hard to read the label when you're in the jar. So the more people you can surround yourself with, who are equally as driven, who are as inspired, who can support you and hold you accountable, they're going act as scaffolding so that you can continue to take the steps and the actions that you need to be taking to grow this thing.

And I feel like with entrepreneurs, we can sometimes feel like we're alone and we have to do it all on our own. And, you know, it's my baby and nobody knows it like I do. And so releasing the reins, asking for help, getting into communities with other entrepreneurs can sometimes be uncomfortable, it can be scary, it can make us nervous, all the things. But having a high-level community to support you is a game changer in terms of you having more belief in yourself and more belief in your business and what's possible. 

[00:23:40] Sanjay Parekh: Yeah. By the way, I love that quote that you just used. "You can't read the label when you're inside the jar." I am so stealing that, I'm going to use that. I don't know when I'm going to use it, but I'm absolutely going to use it. Monica, this has been fantastic. Where can our listeners find and connect with you online? 

[00:23:56] Monica Helvie: Yes, please do. I am most active on Instagram at MonicaHelvieLMFT, for Licensed Marriage Family Therapist and on there you can have the link to download the free burnout checklist just to see if you're experiencing any burnout. And there's also a link to join the waitlist for my coaching services. 

[00:24:22] Sanjay Parekh: Awesome. Thanks so much for coming on the show today. 

[00:24:25] Monica Helvie: Thanks for having me. It was great. 

[00:24:30] Sanjay Parekh: Thanks for listening to this week's episode of the Side Hustle to Small Business podcast, powered by Hiscox. To learn more about how Hiscox can help protect your small business through intelligent insurance solutions, visit Hiscox.com. And to hear more Side Hustle to Small Business stories, or share your own story, please visit Hiscox.com/side-hustle-to-small-business. I'm your host, Sanjay Parekh. You can find out more about me at my website, SanjayParekh.com.